I see a 6. You see a 9. Who is right?

Theory of Mind is the notion that others may have a different perspective from us. It starts to develop in most children as young as 15 months old and is firmly established around 4-5 years old, when kids can correctly predict what their friend would think is inside a box labelled candles but containing pencils.

Unfortunately, studies have shown that Theory of Mind deteriorates over time: as we get older, we get worse at putting ourselves in someone else’s shoes.

Bad news, because it is a crucial skill in conflict resolution (and prevention!).

The good news is that you can bring it in consciously. Focus on two major components:

-Intentionality: others are motivated by different things than we are

-Attention: others pay attention to different things than we do

Remind yourself that even though you see a 6, the other may see a 9. And both of you can be right. It depends on your perception. And perception is reality.